pocket food; our gift to the masses

Eating at inappropriate and unexpected times has become a pet hobby of mine, so will pocket food be the defining eccentric trend of 2009?

Fishing out a piece of food from ones pant pocket for no logical reason proves a fantastic grab for the attention fiend. It can be as simple as, through one effortless maneuver, pulling out a small bunch of grapes, or as complex as pulling a half handful of delicious canape's.
"Gosh, where did you get those from?" the fascinated crowd asks confusingly. "actually i made them at home" you reply casually (a slight shoulder shrug can also be incorporated with your response).
With no cocktail party in any near geographical distance, making a small piece of food appear will make even the most self obsessed indie crazy with intrigue.
for the less mainstream types out there who want to pull out a little more than a simple stuffed olive, i suggest lining your pockets with glad wrap and get creative. But for the beginners, finger sandwiches work a treat.

Long elevator rides, business meetings, nightclubs, and boutique clothing stores prove the most effective realms to exercise this simple yet effective schtick.

Snack my friends.

-KidWisdom

Smarter than the average bear

Hey, Boo Boo! Let's get us some pick-a-nick baskets! – Plato


So the suffice to say team did some reading of philosophy over summer. There were 3 goals for this:

1 - To self-brand as an intellectual.
2 - Use this brand as a means of frightening zoids with my levelled up intellect.
3 - To impress any member of the general public within eyesight of my book cover.

A key trick to this is to not actually read any of the books. You have no chance of understanding them. I don't think anyone (no matter how smart they think they are) really takes much from some of the greek philosophers, or even some of the more modern ones, so save yourself the trouble and just bookmark a page 40-60% through the book. If a zoid, or gen public member asks your opinion, you can just say you aren't far enough through to gauge an opinion, yet not too near the start which may make you look illiterate.

The next thing you have to do is sit in a cafe outside smoking with the book on the table (cover facing up) sure enough you will be approached by zoids wanting to appear clever themselves. Simply steer the conversation clear of the content of the book and get down to general chit chat. This will be a relief to them as they probably haven’t understood the book either.

If you do somehow get roped into a conversation about the book, create an argument based on the back cover. Defend your point and don't back down. Saying your argument appears in a Alejandro Jodorowsky film should prove your point. As I said, no one really understands any of these books. They will simply assume you know more than them, and give up arguing if you are persistent in your argument.



He who steals a little steals with the same wish as he who steals much, but with less power. - Yogi Bear

- Bukkake Fashions

Holidays

Well for those of you who are slaves to the 9-5 holidays are pretty much done and dusted. Suffice to say used this time while everyone else was on holidays however to go and scope out the new trends for 09. Suffice to say 09 is going to be a good one with many new trends to enjoy, so far all of our predictions have been spot on. So to kick off the new year here is a quickie. Chuck Bass inspired dress will dominate the first half of the year so stock up now on every fred perry/polo/lacoste pastel while they are still in stock.

-Bukkake Fashions

das ist sehr gut; the colors, will somebody look at the colors

Wunderbar!


Fantastisch!



Large sums of money will be exchanged for the leg wear on the far left.


-KidWeisheit

just leveled up; no biggie

Victoria Gardens Christmas shopping night is a highlight on the inner city social calendar.

For years, drunken adolescents giddy on free Champagne harass young and old alike. This year was a little different. The shopping night was combined with the midnight release of the latest World of Warcraft expansion.

Jostling for key positions, the line was rough and intense, 1st in line was a man early 40's with a big gripe against customer service. He is having discussions seeking restitution from the head office due to him being denied the ability to purchase a collectors edition with storybook, maps, posters etc.



Third man in the line, with a deliciously clever display of irony, sported a jib consisting of a Batman T-Shirt and a plastic battleaxe - he seemed very keen and waddled out of the store to his mothers car and drive off to commence his gaming experience.

The pinnacle of social excellence however, was the larger man wearing a cape and drinking a 1litre carton of custard. Where does one have the audacity to even consider drinking custard in public a viable idea? Supporting evidence later stipulates the need for him to have a good hard look at his life and re-evaluate.

None of this could have been possible without the 45yo 5 foot even Mexican lady running security and co-ordinating the lines. A pair of 13yo's being the only ones to suffer her wrath of being sent to the back of the line.


-Anonymous & StS

Put these bastards away; irony ain't so indie after all

The World Championship of Prison Rules American Handball came to a grinding halt today as the crafty land barons took preventative action against the rogue corporate handball fraternity.

Agents and lawyers are currently being assembled to resolve this ohh too obvious breakdown in human decency.

-KidWisdom

Crisistunity

So at work we are trying to look at the bright side of life.  People are getting laid off left right and centre at many organisations we do work for, however we have started looking towards this as an opportunity for us to sell more services.  Crisitunity is the phrase we use to describe the opportunities arising from other people misery.  I hope we paid a consultant to come up with that.

- Bukkake Fashions

face to face

"This may be the year when we finally come face to face with ourselves; finally just lay back and say it..."




-KidWisdom

The wardens verdict

No parole was granted for these corporate hotshots. The ‘World Championship of Prison Rules American Handball’ now has a permanent place in the indie and corporate calendar.

KidWisom and Bukkake Fashions showdown was the order of business. The market charts will be released shortly outlining today’s winners and losers. Same place, same time next week friends.

-KidWidsom & Bukkake Fashions

‘World Championship of Prison Rules American Handball’

Suffice to Say presents:

‘World Championship of Prison Rules American Handball’

In the ultimate fusion between indie and corporate life the game for this summer will be American handball. Now is a good chance to get in early so that you can acquire the skills before this goes mainstream.

Weather is splendid. Location is set.

When:
12noon 28th October

Dress code:
- Bankers shirts
- Chuck shoes
- Glove (optional for your dominant hand)

Rules:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prison_handball

Location: meet at

Sponsorship opportunities will exist for the most distinguished player on the day.

-Bukkake Fashions & KidWidsom

So indie, so so indie

Spray tans and roller blades. Indie has descended so far into mainstream, mainstream has become the new indie.

It's all over my friends. Give the spray tan salons some business, buy some roller blades, and hit the beaches. Our Casio Databank's say the time is now.
Stay hip. Stay in front. Ride like the wind, ride like the wind.

-KidWisdom

Robot - Human

I have some friends going to a fancy dress party soon and I was throwing out some suggestions as to what they could wear. Well the next day I found myself pondering this whilst at work and I figured going as Thomas Bangalter from Daft Punk would be optimal. This is pretty much my perfect outfit, it would give me the anonimity of the helmet, and would also allow me to wear a suit (I'm very good at wearing suits). So I started doing some research on where to get one of these things, seems you can buy them for around $45k, so I started checking ebay to see if there was a budget version. Suffice to say I was unable to find anything, however I did stumble upon a community of people who specialise in making this kind of thing and I am now an integril part of this community. Some helmets looked like they were made by a retarded 5 year old.


Others looked like they would require the dedication of a 30 year old virgin who still lives in his parents basement.


For those of you thinking simlar here are some steps.
- Best base is a baseball batting helmet
- Cut the visor on the helmet
- Create the jawline out of thick card
- Ears should be made of foam
- LED's can be a programmable LED belt buckle
- Don't try this unless you can do a good one, wearing a poorly done helmet could be social suicide.

- Bukkake Fashions

Personal Branding; formaldehyde excursions - Book 1

In one of the many necessary steps in the establishment of a solidified and realized self-brand, KidWisdom has armed himself with a MacBook and, being the romantic traditionalist, a 25 key midi keyboard.
His eagerly awaited first album is currently in production.

Naturally influenced by the deepest sewer clubs of outer city Berlin and inner city Prague. KidWisdom's celestial progressions and driving rhythms surpass common understanding of any genre defining sound or musical experience.

No deadlines have been set for release as yet. Sneak previews are inevitable.



We all know what's coming, so give them whatever they need.

-KidWisdom

hit the wall

Tired of spring racing before it's even started?

American Handball my friends. The Prince of sports right here, this is the business we're in.

- KidWisdom

Spring racing excess...

Spring racing is upon us, and with that a new year of bad fashion trends and everything being done to excess. However unlike previous years economic times are not good and coke is only getting more expensive, suffice to say the races this year do not appear to be what they once were. A couple of disturbing trends were noticed at yesterdays Caulfield Gunieas, "hatcinators" this is my own word, I am sure they have a proper term. These are the fusion of hats with fascinators, good in theory, poor in execution. Disturbing trend #2 (now this has been going on for years however it is becoming increasingly more prevalent) is a super light suit with tan/white shoes. Like seriously guys, come on. I actually was talking to someone I hadn't met for a long time and pointed out one such example for a giggle, only to realise after my comment that my friend had the exact same outfit happening. Fortunately I was already quite drunk by this point so embarrassment was minimal.

As always fashions on the field was just embarrassing, however there were a couple of standouts, the most hilarious outfits are normally worn by very good-looking girls whose best friend has decided they want to be original and become a clothing designer. They immediately get a brand name happening and whip some outfits together with shitty flowing fabrics with little thought.

fashion overtones, criminal undertones

"Is it all a dream or have you just found forever?"

Here are just a few goodies to refresh your memories of times to come.

Enjoy it. 1989-1991 is now open for business.


- KidWisdom

Leveraging synergies to find the area of optimal value

Whilst under pressure and with time constraints I have found the theory of creating effective management strategies. Circular diagrams are the way forward, preferably multiple circular diagrams with an overlap in the centre. This overlap area though needs to clearly be labelled with something like "optimal value creation" or "point of optimum leverage".

Once this has been done you will be able to clearly advise clients where they need to be based on the diagram. The trick here is in the colouring and opacity of the diagram, this is where the professionals are sorted from the wannabe consultants. Work will be won or lost dependant on this one factor alone.

The imparting of knowledge on lesser souls

So as a part of being a good human I have decided to impart some of my knowledge upon a select section of society. I have decided that lecturing to a group of MBA students may well be a good idea, firstly, there may be some good-looking women in the class...This is unlikely. Secondly, it will make me feel quite clever, I am very good at buzz words, as are MBA students, I will use my expert status as a buzz word generator to "wow" them. Once they have been sufficently impressed I shall then bask in the glory of being asked stupid questions.

Dear readers, have you embarked on anything similar?



- Bukkake Fashions

the pied piper

If anything is worth doing, it’s worth doing right

Broker tips:

1. Think of a back story that will entertain both you and the sales person at your favorite tobacconist dealer
2. Ensure you stick to character and to your chosen back story
3. Choose a bent pipe. Reasons: my jaw is not strong enough yet to hold a straight pipe. Also with a straight pipe saliva will get stuck whilst smoking
4. Choose the bowl size that suits you. I am very good at smoking so I chose a big bowl size.
5. Choose one you like the look of. There is nothing worse than reviving a fashion to the general public with an inferior look.
6. Price. This is where your back story in step 1 comes in. A well thought out back story can get you out of an embarrassing situation of accidentally choosing a pipe that is out of your price bracket
7. Currently tobacco accessories are on sale. This means that pipe smoking will be huge in the trend setting community in about 6-12months. So get in early.
8. Tobacco. I chose an aromatic blend. Something fun for a first smoke. My next will be an English blend. Tobacco is very cheap, and tastes much better than cigar tobacco.
9. Keep it lit.

- KidWisdom

"Yesterday came suddenly" please take note of your confirmation number

16th and 17th century dress wigs ladies and gentlemen. Put these on your watchlists . Heavy trades and increased liquidity on the horizon.

KidWisdom also recommends a pistachio blend aromatic tobacco for a sunny spring afternoon.

- KidWisdom

Predictions

A couple of predictions to get you through Spring.

Cravats, you don't need to be a cheesy wannabe Italian model for a mens suit rental place to wear them now.


Pipes, for when bumming a cigarette is not the smart choice.

- Bukkake Fashions

Private Equity, Mergers & Acquisitions, Hedge Funds, Venture Capital

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118111/

- KidWisdom

Trap for young players.

A few tips for young players...

1) If you are in the change rooms at the gym, have some shame, get dressed quickly, don't parade around naked.
2) Don't wear skins to the gym, you look like a douche.
3) Don't use an iPod/iPhone in the solarium, it does bad things to the screen.
4) If you ever work on the door at revolver, don't let any midgets walk in, it screws with the other patrons.

More to follow.

- Bukkake Fashions

pick me, pick me...... no. pick me.

A good old game of pass the parcel almost always leaves at least one small child giddy on sweets crying. The game in most circumstances rigged by the DJ. Far too predictable to let the birthday boy/girl win. So who will he choose? Too many pieces of paper? Time to carbon trade? Is all this symbolic?

Haven't played for a while now. Shame really. Pin the tail on the donkey was a favorite of mine. As was pinata.

Well, lucky this time I am not the crying child.

http://www.lehman.com/careers/workatlehman/index.htm

Farewell LEH. love you all long time.

-KidWisdom

Suffice to say, nightclub toilets should never be used for relieving yourself.

- Bukkake Fashions

The Western String Tie; a gift that keeps giving

A strong BUY recommendation from KidWisdom himself.

-KidWisdom
http://www.starcostumes.com/items/Western_String_Tie.aspx

“PM for guest list”; the sales pitch for a generation of waste

-StS

Recession killed the corporate card